Crossroad
by broncomap
Summary: This takes place 18/19 years in and there are decisions to be made by Kitty and Matt. I had intended this to be a 1 chapter story but I couldn't manage it so had to expand it to 3. It leaves GS canon!
1. Chapter 1

It was late Friday evening and the Long Branch would soon be jumping. Ordinarily Kitty Russell would be getting gussied up for a night of making sure booze flowed, gamblers stayed in the game, and everyone was happy without crossing the line to rambunctious. Tonight, instead of climbing into a sequined dress and painting her face, she sat in her room staring into space. In the quiet that surrounded her she mused about life and how, like many people, she was usually too busy living it to think about where it was taking her. Then she'd come to a major crossroad and have to stop and think. Eight or nine months ago she'd hit a crossroad named Will Stambridge. They met at a moment in time when he was growing tired of his life and she was questioning hers, a perfect storm. He courted her with a single-minded intensity. He was charming and attentive, and tempted her with the things he discovered she wanted. Yet, she didn't love him so she turned him down. It was true that she didn't have everything she wanted in life, but then again who did? She loved and needed Matt more than anything, and she had hope for the rest. As for Will - she had a feeling he returned to his gun slinging life. It was the life that was baked into his bones and soul. While courting her he'd bought a run-down, dirt farm just outside of Dodge, which he quickly sold before he left. She was sure he never thought realistically about a life of working the land.

She smiled slightly trying to picture Will Stambridge in sooty overalls, pushing a plow over rough terrain in the hot summer sun. The smile faded as her thoughts returned to the crossroad she'd now reached. This time, unlike with Will, the choice was not hers alone. It included a man who had a different kind of life baked into his bones and soul.

"Kitty."

She turned towards the familiar voice coming from behind the door. "Come on in Matt."

He used his key to unlock the door and hurried in, tossing his hat aside while looking at her with anxious eyes. "Kitty, what's wrong? As soon as I hit the stable, Moss took my horse and said you had to see me right away."

She stood and faced him. "We need to talk." She saw the worry in his eyes intensify and offered a reassuring smile. "Welcome back Cowboy, I've missed you this past week."

He relaxed slightly. She pointed to a chair and sat opposite him wondering how to start. Silence hung in the air. She decided there was no way to build up to what she had to say.

"I'm pregnant Matt."

She watched his face carefully. For over 18 years she'd been able to read his most subtle expressions, but not this time. His face revealed nothing – not shock, disappointment, dismay or the happiness that deep inside she hoped would be there.

"Matt, I've been thinking of the options." She tried to sound matter-of-fact. "I'm not very far along. I can go to the woman in Hays City all the saloon girls go to when this happens. They say she's good, it's just that I…." Her voice petered out. The tick of the clock filled the air. Matt suddenly reached over and put a hand on hers, "I'll take the badge off and marry you."

She jerked her hand away and crossed her arms in front of her. Emotions surged, none of them good. "Great, you'll take the badge off and marry me because it's the right thing to do. Matt Dillon, once again doing his duty no matter what the cost."

He was stunned by her words, but when he replayed his own in his head he realized how they sounded to her. He leaned over and took her hands gently but firmly, forcing her to unwrap her arms and lean towards him. His voice was quiet. "Kitty, I shouldn't have said it that way. I'm sorry. Over the past months we've talked about getting married when I retire from this job. I should have said that this just changes the timing of things, and my retirement and our marriage will happen sooner than we thought."

She offered a half smile, "Yep, we're really rushing into this marriage thing."

Glad to see even a small smile, he leaned forward and gently kissed her. She didn't resist. "I'll wire my resignation to the War Department and we'll plan our wedding."

She looked into his clear blue eyes, "You won't resent me or the baby for pushing you to retire sooner than you want?"

He met her eyes, "I'd never resent you or our baby. My choice. It's my decision that I can't be a family man and a US Marshal at the same time. I admit this isn't how I pictured things playing out, but that doesn't mean it's not for the best. Kitty, I love you and nothing will ever change that."

"I love you Matt."

Still holding his hands she got to her feet. "I'll bet you have to go check in at the office. You've been gone for a week and you have a lot of catching up to do, right?"

"Well, I guess I should but…"

"Go on, I'll see you later." She knew that they both needed time alone with their thoughts.

After another kiss, this one deep and lingering, he left and Kitty ran her hand across her still flat belly.

Matt headed to his office looking calmer than he felt. He managed to nod hello to everyone who welcomed him back as he hurried down Front Street. He stepped inside his office and closed the door behind him. Festus was nowhere to be seen but a hot coffee pot was sitting on the stove. Grateful for both of those things, he poured himself a cup of the so-called coffee Festus had left, and sat at his desk. He ignored the stacks of mail piled in front of him and took a long swig of the dark, bitter liquid. Over the past months he and Kitty had talked about marriage and family. It wasn't that he didn't want those things, it was just that for him they were in a - _some far off someday_ \- category. He lightly rubbed his thumb on his badge. He'd been a lawman ever since he was a teenager lying about his age for the privilege of wearing a badge. That badge had changed from deputy's to sheriff's to US Marshal's in quick succession. As a marshal he'd removed the his badge several times for one reason or another. The first time he quit he was a young man in his 20's with a lifetime of opportunities in front of him. That time, and every other time, he was lured back by the call of duty. Serving justice, keeping folks safe and upholding the law was a deep, deep part of him, too deep to deny. This time removing the badge would be different. This time there'd be no going back. No matter how strong the call, he had to ignore it and move on. Move on to what? That was the question. He'd be a man in his 40's with no job, no property and not much money in the bank who had to find a way to support a family.

He set the cup down and tried to picture the future. He couldn't, so he picked up a piece of mail. He still had a job to do, so he might as well get to doing it. When he finished with the mail he'd send a wire to the War Department to resign from that job.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

AN - To readers who left reviews, thank you. I tried to respond individually but the site malfunctioned. I love responding to your comments so will try again. On with the show.

The Next Afternoon

Outside the Dodge City stage depot Matt shifted uneasily on his feet and let out an almost imperceptible sigh of annoyance. Kitty looked up at him with an amused glint in her eyes. They'd spent the night in each other's arms reaffirming their love and in the morning, over breakfast, planned their wedding. They even touched on the topic of baby names. During their discussion, she was pleasantly surprised to note the absence of morning sickness and ate a real breakfast for the first time in over a week. She took that as a good omen. Even the telegram that came for Matt didn't ruin her mood.

Matt let out another small sigh. Kitty reached up and clasped his arm, "Oh Matt, don't be so grumpy about it."

"But it's a waste of time Kitty, and we have things to see to."

"I know, but this will settle things with the War Department once and for all."

"I wired my resignation yesterday. I don't see why I have to go to Topeka to resign in person."

"Matt, it's common knowledge that there's a shortage of experienced lawman in this part of the country. It seems likely they want to make sure that your mind is made up."

"My mind is made up Kitty, you know that don't you?"

She nodded but before she could say another word the stagecoach pulled in. Matt opened the door, but didn't step inside. Instead he turned to Kitty. He leaned down and she could have sworn he was going to kiss her. Instead he took her gently by shoulders and looked into her eyes, "Take care of yourself, I'll be back in a few days."

"See you later, Cowboy." She smiled and watched him settle into a seat, knowing that his bad leg and achy back didn't do well on long bumpy rides. Clem, the driver, slammed the door shut, climbed up into his seat and the stagecoach to Topeka took off.

Kitty watched it disappear into the distance and a feeling of unease settled over her like a dark cloud. She knew that Matt wouldn't rescind his resignation, but another possibility troubled her. Matt had assured her that he'd never resent her or their child but what if, despite his best intentions, he couldn't help but harbor the tiniest seed of resentment. If the War Department stressed to Matt that he was wanted and very much needed on the job, would that tiny seed take root and grow? She didn't know what she would do if that happened. She couldn't live with resentment and a child shouldn't have to. At the same time, she wanted Matt to be wanted and appreciated. She wanted his years of outstanding service acknowledged. He deserved that, but would it make turning away from the job even more difficult for him?

A wave of nausea swept over her. She swallowed hard. So much for not having morning sickness. She hurried home with one hand on her abdomen. Pregnancy wasn't an easy thing. She'd found that out already. She tried not to complain. She was happy at the prospect of having a child, Matt's child. Yet, in truth, she would have preferred becoming pregnant when she and Matt were already married and settled into a new life. Now the future was racing towards her faster than she imagined possible, and there was much she couldn't grasp. It was hard to imagine the future, when Matt never talked about what he might do when he took the badge off. Other doubts crept in too, doubts about herself. She didn't have much experience with babies and wondered if she was as prepared for motherhood as she should be. Still if it hadn't happened now, maybe it wouldn't have happened at all. She wasn't getting younger. Life was complicated.

Feeling more nauseous than she ever had before, she was relieved to finally reach her suite. She hurried into the water room and shut the door.

Topeka

Matt had the Kansas state capital building in his sights when he strode down Main Street with a stagecoach schedule stuffed in his pocket. With a little luck the conversation would take just a few minutes. Then he'd have time for a quick meal before getting on the first stage back, and he'd be home in two days. He and Kitty were getting married on Sunday - well before she started to show. Then his new life would begin. Problem was, aside from marriage and impending fatherhood, he had no idea what that life would be. He had to figure it out and soon. Kitty had enough on her mind without having a husband who had no job and no home for their baby.

"Marshal Dillon, Marshal Dillon."

Matt looked up. He was thinking so hard that he hadn't even noticed he'd walked into the building. A smiling young man in a baggy suit hurried over. "Marshal Dillon, it's an honor to meet you. Please come this way."

Matt nodded grimly, hoping that he hadn't come all this way to have a conversation with a man who barely looked old enough to shave. Fortunately the young man ushered him into a small but attractive office and left him alone.

He'd no sooner taken a seat when a grey haired man with a handlebar mustache walked in the door. "Hello Marshal Dillon. We met once before, but it was some time ago so I don't expect you to remember."

Matt studied the man as he shook his hand. The wide jaw and narrow eyes were distinctive and Matt tried to imagine the man years younger. It came to him.

"Webster – Michael Webster if I'm correct. About a dozen years ago you were being held up by a group of bandits when I came along. I believe we had an interesting conversation on the ride back to Dodge.

"That's amazing marshal. That was a singular event in my life but I'm sure you've seen many such robberies."

Webster walked over to a small bar. "Can I get you a drink, whiskey or brandy maybe?"

"No thanks."

Webster poured himself a glass of brandy and sat across from Matt. He slowly swirled the golden liquid in his glass. "Marshal, I hope you don't mind if I take a moment to reminisce. I was a lawyer in my 40's traveling west for the first time, foolishly believing I had the skill and know-how to travel alone. When those bandits stopped me, I was terrified. Then you came along and at considerable risk to yourself, took on three men. You wounded two and then got all three, along with me back into Dodge." Webster took a sip of brandy. "That robbery was a turning point in my life. It may sound silly, but your actions inspired me. I gave up my lucrative private practice and went to work for the government where I thought I could do more good. I've spent a lot of my time helping war veterans get the benefits due to them. One of my newer duties is to make sure cities and towns in the territory have enough law enforcement. That has not been an easy job of late."

Webster waited for Matt's response. There was none so he continued. "I've followed your career since then and it has been most impressive. Your reputation is unmatched. Do you mind telling me why you want to resign?"

"Personal reasons."

Webster nodded and waited for Matt to elaborate. He realized he could wait all day and smiled inwardly. The conversation wasn't going as he'd hoped.

"Marshal Dillon, I've been sent here to do an odd thing. I've been sent here to ask a man to remain in a job that is dangerous, difficult and exhausting. From what you've said you are not resigning because of the dangers and difficulties. You have, as you say, personal reasons. Perhaps that makes it easier. I am merely asking that you defer your resignation for a year or two, three years at the most. We have a shortage of experienced lawman, and by simply deferring you would be performing a great service. Surely you are willing to do that."

"I'm sorry Mr. Webster but no."

Webster sighed, "Marshal, I'd hoped this would be more of a back and forth conversation."

"Mr. Webster, I merely want my resignation to be accepted."

"And knowing an inexperienced man will be sent as a replacement doesn't mean anything to you? You know how dangerous the job is and how much experience matters."

Matt's jaw clenched. Webster's words struck a nerve and Matt's reaction wasn't lost on the man.

"Marshal?"

"Mr. Webster, I cannot put off my resignation, but let me say this, I was inexperienced when I was given this badge. Experience is important, but sometimes it's not how long you've worn a badge, it's what you've learned from wearing it. When you select a man for this job, do your best to choose wisely. I wish you luck."

Webster set his glass down. Matt's words had a ring of finality. "Marshal, we will accept your resignation but if you change your mind, all you have to do is send a telegram when you get back to Dodge.

"That won't happen Mr. Webster."

"No one can predict the future, Marshal. However, if you don't change your mind, a replacement will be sent within a month. In the meantime your deputies can keep watch over Dodge City. Territorial duties will wait for the new marshal."

Webster stood, "I'm glad I had this opportunity to explain the impact you've had on my life. You've touched countless lives, you should be proud of that. I would imagine that is something you will greatly miss."

Matt didn't answer but Webster saw something in his eyes. Regret perhaps or something else. He decided to try to take advantage of it.

"Marshal, it wouldn't even have to be for an entire year. You could stay on for another 6 months. That's not a very long time.

"I don't see it that way Mr. Webster. Goodbye

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thank you guests who commented. I'd answer you personally if I could.

Dodge 2 Days Later

Festus paced back and forth in front of the stage depot muttering to himself. _Festus Haggin, Matthew is gittin back taday an plans ta quit marshalin. Ya ain't good at speechifying or nothin like that, but ya gotta let Matthew know that bein his deputy is the finest thing ya ever done. Not only that, it brung honor ta the Haggin name. Ya gotta find sum words ta say ta Matthew._

The sound of trotting horses broke into his thoughts and Festus looked up as the stage from Topeka pulled in. The door swung open and Matt stiffly emerged.

Festus stepped forward, "Matthew how was ya trip?"

"Fine, they accepted my resignation. I need you and Newly to watch the town until my replacement gets here." Matt put a hand on his deputy's arm, "Festus, I'll strongly recommend that the new marshal keep you on but…"

"Matthew, Ah figure the new man won't be smart like you, an know that readin, writin and book learnin ain't everytin." Festus looked Matt in the eye and stood up straight, "An Matthew, Ah want ya ta know that bein ya deputy has made me proud, made me proud right into my bones like nothin else has, an nothin else will."

Matt was moved by Festus' unexpected words and was struggling to find a response when he saw Newly rushing down the street, "Matt, it's Kitty. Doc wants you."

Without a word Matt hurried off and burst through Doc's door without knocking.

"Doc, what's wrong where's Kitty?"

"She'll be fine Matt, she's resting in the back room. Sit down."

"Was there an accident - is she hurt - what happened?" Words flew from his mouth. He was frantic in a way few had seen and most couldn't imagine.

Doc took the situation in hand and pointed to a chair.

"SIT DOWN, please."

Matt wordlessly obeyed. Doc went to the stove and filled two mugs with coffee. He handed one to Matt and sat next to him.

"Matt, Kitty had a miscarriage. She lost the baby. I'm sorry to have to tell you that."

"You mean she – we – are not going to have a baby?"

"That's exactly what I mean."

"But Kitty, is she all right?"

"She should rest for a couple of days and get some good meals into her. She'll be fine."

Matt let out a breath, "Good, thanks Doc." His mind was racing. Kitty was all right but wasn't having a baby. They had planned a quick wedding, to be married before she showed. This changed things.

"Do you have questions, Matt?"

Matt shrugged blankly not knowing what to ask, but seconds later something came to him. "Doc, does this mean…" He paused to choose his words. Doc was a close friend and a physician, but this was not the kind of thing he was used to talking about.

"Go on Matt, what are you trying to ask?"

"Does this mean – well – Kitty can still have a baby, right? She really wants to have a baby – we both want a family."

"Many women have miscarriages and in my experience most are able to carry to term afterwards." Doc rubbed his mustache. "Of course in Kitty's case we have to remember that she is likely at the far end of her child bearing years. No doubt she has years left, but maybe not a whole lot. It varies woman by woman and no one can predict exactly. In general, I'd say that as a woman approaches those last years it can be harder for her to conceive."

"I should go in and see Kitty."

Doc wasn't sure that Matt had absorbed what he'd been told and saw uncertainty in his eyes. He set down his cup. "Matt, I know how you feel about Kitty and how she feels about you. I also know you two have things to talk over that are none of my business, but I want to say one thing. Don't go in there until you're sure about what you need to say and how you're are going to say it. This is a difficult and emotional time for a woman." He picked up his hat. "I think I'll go get something to eat. You think things over, and when you're ready, go on in the back room."

Doc closed the door behind him and walked slowly down the steps wishing life was simpler for the two people he loved more than anything.

Kitty

Lying awake in bed Kitty had heard the door open minutes before. She heard Matt's voice and strained to hear what he and Doc were saying, but couldn't make it out. Then she heard the door open and close again. Silence followed. Either Doc or Matt had left. She stared at the ceiling feeling empty inside yet full of emotions. Where was Matt? She needed him. She needed his arms around her.

Matt

Inside Doc's office Matt sat motionless. In the quiet that surrounded him he thought about life, or tried to, but too many events, words and images were swirling in his head - Kitty announcing she was pregnant, news of the miscarriage, the meeting in Topeka, Doc's words, even the things Festus had said to him. In an attempt to clear his head, he took a deep breath and stood to stretch his cramped back. He glanced around the familiar office and his eyes fell on Doc's medical books lined up on a shelf. Those very books had stood on that same shelf, in the same order, since the day Doc moved into the office. Matt reached up and idly ran his thumb down the spine of one of the books. The once bright gold letters had faded making the title barely visible, and next to the book was a small stack of the latest medical journals. He smiled ruefully. Even things you were sure hadn't changed surprised you if you really looked. Time touches everything and everyone.

He tapped lightly on the door to the back room.

"Come in." Kitty's voice soft but audible.

She looked towards the door as it opened and was glad it was Matt. "Doc told you?"

Matt nodded and moved a chair to the side of the bed. He took her hand as he sat. "How do you feel?"

"I'm all right Matt. I'm glad you're back."

"You look awfully pale."

"Doc said with a couple of days rest and some good meals I'll be fine."

"Are you – does – does anything hurt?" Matt was in unfamiliar territory.

"It hurts some – kind of like bad stomach cramps that come and go. It's all right."

He nodded again and fell silent.

"How was Topeka? Was I right, they wanted to talk you out of resigning?"

"Yes, or put it off for a couple or few years, even 6 months."

Kitty nodded, "Now you can go ahead and let them know you've changed your mind."

"What?"

"There's no reason we have to get married right away. We can go back to our plan. We'll be together like we were, until you and the War Department think you should take the badge off. What will it be – a year, two, a little more? Then we'll marry and have a family." Her voice was tight

"Wait, are you saying that you don't want to marry me because you're not having a baby?"

She closed her eyes and took a breath, "Matt, I'm saying that we can go back our plan. It's the plan you wanted. You'll continue as marshal for another few years and then ..." Her voice petered out and she took another breath, "We'll be more careful so this doesn't happen again until we're married. Go send the wire."

She blinked back tears. Emotions ran rampant – sorrow at the loss of the pregnancy, longing to have another chance, worry that Matt wouldn't survive more years on the job, fear that her childbearing days would run out, and even relief that she wasn't pushing Matt to do something he could resent.

Matt moved from the chair to sit on the bed. He needed to be closer to her. She suddenly looked smaller and more vulnerable than he ever imagined her. He took her hands, "Kitty, ever since I was a teenager and put on a badge, I've thought of myself as a lawman. I'm proud of who I am and what I stand for. But, I've been forgetting something about life. I haven't taken the time to look inside myself and consider the passage of time. I don't know how to say it exactly, but there's a quote from the bible I remember - _To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven_. He paused and brushed a stray hair from her face. "Kitty, when I learned that you – we – lost the baby, I slowly realized that my decision to set the badge aside hadn't changed. I guess I thought I was doing it for one reason but it turns out to be more complicated. It's hard to explain why I'm sure, but I know that my season for being marshal is over. It's not because I can't do it anymore or the War Department doesn't want me. It's because my time has ended and someone else's will begin. All in all it's a better way to end it. Part of me will always miss it, but that's part of life too. So I'll ask you proper. Would you do me the honor of marrying me, and I'm not talking about some far off day, or next Sunday. I'm talking about as soon as we have a real good party organized.

She smiled. "You know the answer, but since you asked proper – yes, and we will have the best party Dodge City has ever seen."

They laughed but Matt grew serious. "There is one thing Kitty. You are hooking up with a cowboy who doesn't know what he's going to do for work or how he's going to provide for a family."

"Matt that is something we will figure out together.

The end


End file.
